Posted on | November 23, 2009 | No Comments
It’s a little-known fact that Mogo the Mugger was Martha Stewart’s first ‘date’ after she got out of jail in 2005.
The sequence of decisions leading to this previously unknown historical encounter began with a series of phone calls that Martha made toward the end of her jail term. The calls were to various officers of her Martha Stewart Living Corporation. “I need a man!” she screamed into the inmates’ phone. “Get me a man! Have him waiting for me when I get out! Who asked you for your opinion?! Shut up!”
Martha’s last frenzied shriek (“A real man! Do as I say, or you’re all fired, you cringing sycophants!”) ringing in their ears, the terrified executives convened a locked-door meeting. The problem was apparent. To avoid an even more horrific scandal, discretion had to be the paramount consideration, paramount, that is, after the testosterone-level of the candidate. Whoever he was, the candidate would have to be selected from among the ranks of Martha’s employees, someone who could be forced to secrecy. The difficulty was, however, that the male work-force at Martha Stewart was composed entirely of interior decorators, certified public accountants, and business majors.
At the last moment, someone remembered the new truck driver who had just been hired. A frantic search for the driver’s address and phone number revealed that his address was the same as corporate headquarters, in fact, the man was living in a cardboard box on the roof of the building. A delegation of executives found Mogo squatting in front of a campfire built of office furniture on a sheet of corrugated iron, just finishing a roasted pigeon. “Mogo on break now,” he told them, licking his fingers.